“I did not know how and why I had started with that. I felt like I was in a hamster wheel and I was moving in circles and there was no way out of it. Probably the financial problems made me handle that way. I did not want to accept any help from others, so my problem got bigger and bigger but I ignored it and thought that was ok”.
Lena (name has been changed) started her story with thoughtfulness and with unsure feelings but gradually she opened her heart, so the conversation started to flow in an easy way.
Lena used to buy things and did not pay for them. She just ordered the goods online and refused to pay. As her problem became more obvious, she had to attend a clinic for some therapy to get the disorder under control. Its a kind of disorder, where the patients do not have the feeling of being guilty. According to the therapist therefore she had “verminderte Schuldfähigkeit” (german).
Unfortunately it did not take much time till she felt in her circle again and made the same mistake. Soon she realised her problem and wanted to change her lifestyle but that was already too late.
“I did not want to accept any psychological support. I even got appointments at a therapist but did not go there. Though, I still knew that I would not be able to get out of that deep hole without any professional help”.
In fact Lena wanted to get rid of her addiction but thought she would annoy people if she had asked for help. This led her to face the bitter reality one day. After some warnings she was picked up by the police personally and had to spend a lot of time in prison.
The first six months she had to be in a closed correctional facility where she saw a completely different world.
There were women who were fighting and swearing in that place, also ones breaking the sinks and leaving chaos in their cells. She saw women who abused their own children. This was a jungle she actually did not belong in.
“We had to get up at 6 AM. The bread we got was without yeast, because the prisoners could make alcohol out of it. It was allowed to go out for only 1,5 hours and at 9 PM lights went off-bedtime”.
After six months Lena was allowed to move to the open correctional facility.The supervisors here were friendly, relaxed and not very strict. She could even make friends.
“The authorities shortened my penalty, as my behaviour was good. During my time in the correctional facility I had the therapy, a SELF -FINDING COURSE, which helped me a lot but this was still a terrible place. We never had any privacy, almost every step was under control and there was a supervisor next to us all day long except in our separate cells. As I arrived here for the first time, I had to take all my clothes off to be checked. We were allowed to go out to the yard but I didn’t even use my free time to go out to breathe some fresh air. I just did not want to be there”.
At the closed correctional facilities the prisoners have to apply in a written form for every extra thing they want to get – for example to see the doctor or buying some products. During Christmas time the correctional facility was closed already at 6 PM.
Luckily this experience also left a positive influence on Lena’s life. She is out now and has turned a new page in her life. One good thing can still be said about the German correctional facilities. Those institutions support people to find a new way for the future and this system helps to rehabilitate former prisoners.
©Text & Photos Margarita Zakaryan
Public Chronicle 